Note: nothing of this story happens in the real story. Ouran High School Host Club’s Fan fiction. Kaoru Hitachiin’s point of view. and sorry for the bad english XP
I don’t know what to do anymore, he’s gone now and will never come back to this room, our room. I never realized that this room is so big and quite without him.
Hikaru you are a liar! You said you will be always by my side but why you leave me alone in this huge room?! I believe you! Please come back!! I need you! I don’t like being alone like this! You know that, right? So please come back!
I know no matter what I do, he wont come back, but.. I need him now! My chest suddenly becomes tight, while pressing on my chest, my tears that I’ve hold up until now flow down from my eyes unstoppable.
I hate this feeling! Nothing I can do to makes me feel better!! Aah!!! I throw my pillow at a vase on the corner of my room causing it to fall and shatter apart. Maids are coming to see what happened and they are shocked when they know a vase that is a rare item in this world has been falling apart on the floor. They know that I did it but they keep pretending that everything is okay and sweep out every pieces of the vase silently.
After those maids finished their work, they go out from my room leaving me alone….. again. I hate this!!! Hikaru! Come back! Please!!!!! I hate you! You liar! I punch Hikaru’s pillow while crying like a baby. After a few minutes, I stop punching that pillow and hug it, pretending that is Hikaru. Keep crying out all my feelings.
Today is Hikaru’s funeral, my parents attend it but I don’t. I cant bear to see my twin brother buried down into the ground, my parents seem to understand my feeling so they didn’t force me to attend the funeral. They know I am the closest person to Hikaru, they know I am the one who hurt the most from the fact that Hikaru is no longer in this world. We are always together, we sleep in the same room, we eat together, we are a perfect pair of twins! we can understand each other even without telling it first to each other! Hikaru! without you, I’m nothing! i can’t do anything without you! please.. please come back! I need you!
If I can wish for anything, I just want to come back to yesterday. I hope I wont fight with him just because a small thing. I hope I will understand him more. I hope I don’t interfere with his effort to get Haruhi. I hope.. I hope.. I hope I hope he will come back to me!!!!
Why the hell I cant keep my mouth shut! If .. If I didn’t say anything about him and Haruhi, we wont fight yesterday and.. And… he won’t go to to Mori senpai’s home and that accident wont happen.
I know how much Hikaru loves Haruhi, since she is the only person who can differs us apart. But it’s hurt to see how hard Hikaru to get Haruhi’s attention while Haruhi herself doesn’t care about Hikaru’s feeling and she just realized that she is in love with Milord. I know that is not my problem and I should not interfere with Hikaru’s problem but.. Seeing him hurt makes me hurt too, I just want to make him stop forcing himself. Didn’t he realize it too that Haruhi and Milord love each other?
Today’s news is full of the accident that involved my twin brother in it. A drunk truck driver has been arrested because the truck he drove smashed a Benz that had a son of multi billionaire director and famous designer in it. Yes, Hikaru is in that car. Our driver is still in the hospital but he is safe, why Hikaru must die?! Why him?! And why the hell that drunk driver only get arrested for the rest of his life?! I want him to get death penalty! I will pay whatever amount those police ask! I don’t care about money! Just make that damn old man die! He killed Hikaru!!!
“Shit!” I cry while burying my face into the pillow that I’ve hugged for the past2 hours. Why it is so unfair?! Why from all people, must Hikaru?! Why?! I ask again and again about this unfairness. Hikaru is still young! He is good looking, healthy, fun, enthusiastic and talented! And he must died because of that drunk ugly old man?! It’s unfair!!!!!!
I know there is no use for me being like this, Hikaru wont come back and that damn old man wont get death penalty, but I cant stop myself from thinking like this. Hikaru’s death is my fault too.. I regret it so much, why we must had a fight yesterday?! I’m sorry Hikaru.. I’m sorry!!!! I cry while hugging Hikaru’s pillow tighter. I’m sorry..
— 10 days had passed–
I stop eating since then, I can’t care more about how many KGs I’ve lost for the past 10 days. It’s hard for me to move, I don’t have any energy left. my parents are very worried about my health, they stop their work and keep bringing doctors from both national and international hospitals. All those doctors keep inject my body with all those liquids that I don’t even know, leaving many scars on my skin but I don’t care anymore.
I don’t know how do I look now, I cant bring myself to see my own reflection, because I keep seeing Hikaru in that reflection. I’ve broke all mirrors in my room, I hate to see Hikaru in my reflection it keeps reminding me on how happy we were when we have each other back then, how naughty we were, how perfect our life when we have Host club and how stupid of me to say something I shouldn’t and made us fight.
Other host club members are coming everyday to check on my condition and ask me to eat even though it’s only a bite but I keep refusing their foods. I know they have a good intention, but.. None of them can makes me feel like I’m with Hikaru.. I want Hikaru and not the others.
I know acting like this makes people around me sad and I’m sorry for making them sad but.. I cant help it, my mouth can receive any food, my stomach can digest any food and I cant even feel hungry. Maybe this is how I can meet with Hikaru up there.. if Hikaru is not here anymore that means I also don’t have any reason to be here anymore.. I want to be with him.. if this is the way I can meet Hikaru, I don’t mind and God, please take my soul faster, I bet Hikaru is as lonely as I am up there.
9th June 1995 – 11th Nov 2012
Kaoru Hitachiin lies here
Finally I’ve died, huh? At least I wont trouble my parents anymore..
“Kaoru” that voice!! I know this voice so much! I miss this voice so much! Trembling, I turn back to see the figure who owns that voice. Ah! It’s not a mistake! I miss him!! I run towards him crying happily and finally I reach him! Finally we can be together! From now on, we can be together forever! No one can separate us! Hikaru!
Yuuki's diary~ 