Teen’s (?)- Pre-Adult’s (?) problem?

Hi! I’m back with another discussion of my real life problem! I want to share a problem that has been bothering me for these past years. for your information, I’m 19 so I don’t know either to call myself a teenager or a pre adult (?). As you can guess, the problem relates to this. So! People around me are calling me childish and too innocent for a girl around my age, so do my parents. Though I’m fine with that, but I am not fine with what my mom asked me.

what my mom asked me is to change my fashion sense/ style to be maturer. This is what I can’t do (maybe for now). To be clearer, I usually wear a t-shirt and a short when going out to a mall. I think I’m what people called as a tomboy, though! I also love cute clothing, this allows me to shift between tomboy clothing style and the cute one. however, my mom or people around me don’t really like it. They thought it’s time for me to appear maturer since I just graduated from my Bachelor Degree. I should be more feminine, wear dress or skirt most of the time and look more expensive (with those branded things they bought me). But that’s not me, that’s what I always think to defend myself.

however, just now they tried to make it clearer for me, why do they want me to change my appearance. that’s because they want me to look more elite, to be accepted with the professionals community, and so on, which are good for me. They said why can’t I look around me when I went to mall, people around my age are dressing herself with makeup, heels, dress, and so on, why can’t I? I like to be like them though, they look so beautiful but I don’t know why I don’t really fond of picturing myself in those styles. I’m afraid to look older that my age, I always love it when people tell me that I look young.

I think it’s time to change my appearance. because I know my mom and people around me want me to be better that what I am right now. I don’t know how can I start since I don’t even know how to put on make up, I don’t have heels (except 1 that is for my presentation test in Univ) or mature looking dresses. Let’s see if I can change myself even though it’s not completely because I want it to be but for my mom or others around me I’m willing to change myself. I hope I can do it though I WILL face many problems when trying to get there.

Yeah.. that’s what I wanna share with Internet people. have you ever felt this way? what do you think I should do? Is this always happen to people around my age? :/ Gimme your thoughts!

*pict of me (not real tattoo~ parents will get super mad if I have one XP )Image

*Btw this post is made 3 years ago on my other blog LOL and since that blog only has 2 posts, I decided to just focus on this one and move the 2 posts here!😄


Australian? Racist? NOPE

Oh hi! This will be my first post in this newly born blog! I would love to clarify about how people said that Australians are racists. I just got back from my trip there and I found that Australia is one of the most tourist friendly countries that I ever visited! Before starting, I think it’s better for me to clarify my race. I’m an asian, an Indonesian to be exact, which makes me look different from the Australians. So I think it’s acceptable for me to say that Australian is not racist since I can be distinguished from them easily. So here’s my experience there.

  • They answer every of your question!

As I never went to Australia before, I didn’t know the street names, the way, and everything else that you need to know when you want to go to an attraction or back to your hotel. And I am so bad in reading a map, so Google Map didn’t really help me. The only thing that I could do is to ask literally every 15 minutes in my way to the destination. Know what? Every time I asked, they answered! EVERY TIME! (Except if they don’t know the way, even if they don’t know, they’ll tell you where and how to get the information or even they’ll use their own google map application to tell you the way!) I’m so grateful that they help me! (If you’re an Australian reading this post, I thank you so much!) Even in one night, when me and my family wanted to go back to our hotel and it’s raining so badly (It’s fall or almost winter over there, so when it’s raining, at night, it’s so windy and cold) and we didn’t know how to get back to the hotel, again.. we asked someone who waited for the traffic light to turn green because he’s the only one around. He didn’t bring any umbrella like us, but still he explain to us clearly how to get back to our hotel, even if the traffic light went red again (I’m so sorry to trouble you! sorry! and thank you!). So yeah.. they are so tourist friendly!

  • They help you even if you don’t ask for help!

So this was a story when me and my family wanted to travel to the other side of Sydney that requires us to take a train. We has used a train before of course, but since it’s the first time we use a train there, it took us a quite long time to know which line should we use. when we examined the lines on the screen, the Australian behind us offered to help. I was shocked that it takes me like 5 seconds to be able to speak to her. I told her where we want to go and he bought us our tickets! (again, Thank you!) this is my first time overseas, that someone offered to help even if you didn’t ask for it!

  • Great Teacher

Okay.. this maybe a bit shameless of me, but my mom asked me to do it. So I just graduated from my Bachelor study and I (really) want to work in Australia (since my Bachelor Degree is from Australian university, I went there for my graduation trip actually.) Knowing this, My mom force me to ask the receptionist of our Hotel to scan my Bachelor degree certificate, she said “maybe they had a job vacancy and ask you to work for them after they saw your certificate (which is of course will not happen) and make sure you ask them if they have one!” with this, I encourage myself to do what my mom told me, except the one that requires me to ask if they have a job vacancy since I’m quite a shy person especially when I don’t know the person. So the only thing I asked is for him to scan my certificate and send it to my email (which he did it instantly!!) and even with all of my courage, I can only ask him about “what is the best University to pursue a master degree in business here?” (STUPID ME!) to my surprise, he answered me!! he explains about the top 8 universities there, his university, his experience, his job, he even taught me that “no matter how good your university is, what really matters is your personal branding, because employer doesn’t care about your University or marks, they want to know if you have a personality, skills that they want or not.” THIS IS! this is the first time someone who I don’t even know teach me something this precious!

so yeah, these are my experiences of the kindness of Australian! Do you have your experience too? tell me!


*Btw this post is made 3 years ago on my other blog LOL and since that blog only has 2 posts, I decided to just focus on this one and move the 2 posts here! XD

Hi guys! it’s been a while!!

just like what the title says, it’s been a while since I updated my Blog~

so, just to tell you guys that I’ve got my Diploma degree!! Yeii~~ claps for me guys, thank you! thank you!


so I went to Malaysia and Singapore on the new year for a week!! with Tama, Mochi and Stacia. pretty fun but a bit boring especially when the rains come!! Geez–

I think the most exciting part from this vacation is when we went to Universal Studio Singapore!! the roller coasters are incredible!! must play them if you go there, kay?! it is a MUST!! ALL the roller coasters!!! ALL OF THEM!! and, there was 1 thing that I can’t forget when we were there.. 

So there is one indoor roller coaster with Mummies theme, to get to play the roller coaster, you need to go through a maze (?) it’s not a maze actually.. hmm.. don’t know what is the correct word for that. the point is, you must walk through a room with many Mummies accessories, statues, etc. sooo scary (at least for me) especially the atmosphere is so scary too!! the light is dim! it’s cold there! and the background song! OMG!!! and we are not allowed to bring our bags there so we need to put our bags, cameras, etc in the lockets. 

we’ve been there once and we want to ride it again, learning from the first experience, that this place was very crowded and the line was sooo long, we decided to let me (the one who didn’t bring bag) go inside first and they will come after they put their bags and things in the locket.. and.. this is where the terrible thing happened. I agree with the decision and went there ALONE! forgetting how the room looks like and how afraid I am of these kind of things..

man!! it’s not like the first one where there were so many people lining to play the roller coaster, this time, it’s completely quiet.. after walking for half a minute, I decided to stop and wait till other people come in and I will continue walking. after waiting for another half minute, there were a group of teenagers coming in!! yeeii.. so I continue my journey (LOL?) I kept looking back every 5 steps.. Thanks GOD they didn’t disappear !!! so we were together (not exactly together) until the end (?).

It was our turn to get into the roller coaster now, but my friends were not here yet! I kept telling myself not to be negative, they’ll definitely coming! because I don’t want to ride that roller coaster alone and that means I must go back to that scary room ALONE! NOO WAYYY I CAN DO THAT!! NO WAY!! So I kept waiting for them and finally they came!! You have no Idea how much I miss you guys!! now, get into that fucking roller coaster NOW!!! #plak 

ah! we got to see our Sesame Street buddies there!!

Image we went to “Funan” in Singapore, if you’re an otaku you must go to this mall!! definitely!! so many action figures, nendo, games, posters, maid cafe here!~



and… on saturday 2nd and 3rd of March 2013, there will be Pre Clash event and the cosplayers from Indonesia are trying to make an went where (lets hope so) 1000 cosplayers are coming!! cool, huh? That’s why I want to do some cosplay too.. I ask my lil bro to cosplay together with me and he agreed ~ so we will complying as soul eater character. me as Dr Stein and he as Death the kid.. or so I thought. 

my Cloth is still not here!! and the event is only 2 more days!! I definitely won’t be able to cosplay as Dr Stein.. and.. me and my lil bro keep talking about who will do Death the kid cosplay? since our cloth’s size is not that different which means I can cosplay as death the kid too..

lets see.. but most probably is I will be the one who cosplay death the kid~

yah~ lets see how’s it going to be~!

and kana me will come!! OMG OMG OMG Im so excited!!!!!!

ok then~ Jaa ne!! >3<

Aku no Monogatari by #TwitternovelaCrew

for those who dont know about Aku no Monogatari, please watch these videos first

Rin’s version : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jinoDKNjx8Q (Aku no Musume / Daughter of Evil)

Len’s version : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwnyPIbt1BA ( Aku no Meshitsukai / Servant of Evil)



Kagamine Len: @Nexafrizz

Kagamine Rin: @Yuichi_Nakamaru

Miku Hatsune & Sakine Meiko : @indiradesu


Len: ojouuu! *smiles *

Rin: get me a drink!

Len: *asking her, what kind of drink she would like to have, as usual*

Rin: for today, lets have darjeeling tea

Len: understood, milady. I shall prepare it like always. What would you like for the snacks, today? *smiles

Rin:  I don’t feel like eating today.. My mind is full of someone from neighbourhood country..

Len:  ..I.. understand. (It’s not her.. I have to keep believing that it’s not her..) *smiles to cover his shock

Rin: .. u know~ that blue haired man from the neighbourhood country.. I like him.. But.. He has a lover already!

Len: *sets down tea set and pours it while listening attentively* and, what did you like about him?

Rin: *blush* eettoo.. His nice & gentle voice.. But! He has a lover already! That woman! I hate her!

Len: *looks below* (even our reason for loving someone is the same..) and.. What would you like to do?

Rin: emm.. U know that 1 girl from green country who has green hair… Kill her!

Len: ..Understood. I will make the necessary arrangements. (I must not be selfish.. This is milady―no, Rin’s wish.)

Rin: and! Destroy the green country also! Kaito is mine! She took Kaito, now she will get the penalty

Len:  *at the green country* “Soldiers! Burn this town to ashes… and capture  the green haired girl!”

(I have to kill my own feelings.. It’s okay, if it’s for her.. If it’s for…)

Miku: *at somewhere in the green country *suddenly got attacked by soldiers* No, what are you– NOOOOO!!!

Soldiers: “We brought her!”

Len: *grips the sword tightly while looking lifeless at her*

Miku: Who…are you and why did you do this to me? What have I done wrong? *looks up to him restlessly*

Len: *mutters …A shadow. I am simply a shadow of the radiant sun. *smiles emptily *draws the sword from the sheath

Miku: *look at the sword terrifiedly* W-what are you going to do with that sword? L-lemme go! Lemme go!

Len: “I don’t have any obligation to answer all of your questions. Now, goodbye.” *stabs cleanly through her heart*

Miku: *at the last breath she grip the sword w/ her bare hands* “I-if you saw Kaito-sama… tell him… I’m sorry.. Sorry that… I had to leave 1st   &…if… If you’re the messenger of the queen…tell her I’m sorry too” *dies*

Len: *sheaths his sword “All of you. Go on ahead to Yellow Kingdom.” *closes her eyelids and carries her gently*

(I’ll bury you with my own hands.. Even if it’s the last thing that I will do.)

*digs up a grave with his bare hands* *looks at her one last time and wipes her fallen tears*

(I don’t even deserve to say sorry to her with this stained hands..) *tears slid down*

*whispers with a coarse voice* why.. Why would you even care about the others even in the brink of your death?!

*pounds the earth with his fist* why.. Tell me… Why?! *shouts to the sky while crying

*stays like that until no tears came out* I.. I have to return to Rin. *wipes his tears* Rin’s happiness is.. my happiness. I have to.. return with a smile. *smiles while looking tired*

I’m back.. Ri–milady. *kneels in front of the throne*

Rin: Len! *stands up from the throne* have you killed her?! destroy her country?! have you?!

Len: Yes… *suddenly remembers the green haired girl words* yes I have, milady. *forces a smile*

Rin: *realizes that there’s something wrong with Len but doesn’t care* yatta! finally! Kaito is mine!! you’ve done a good job, Len!

Len: *bows down* please excuse me, I have to clean myself. I will return at teatime. *says with a monotone and hoarse voice*

Rin: yes, you may go *smile happily* *her mind is full of that blue haired man*

Len:  *3PM* today’s tea is yellow rose petal tea with brioche. Please enjoy it while it’s still warm, milady.

Rin: *looks at the tea & brioche* *smiles at Len* thank you Len! *eats*

Meiko: “THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! ATTACK THE YELLOW COUNTRY!”*orders her forces of thousands of men to invade Rin’s country* “SEARCH     THE ENTIRE AREA, SEARCH FOR THE QUEEN! WE WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS!”

Rin: Le.. Len.. thousands of people are coming here to get me.. what should I do?

Len: here, wear my clothes. I will trade place with you. *smiles while patting Rin’s head to calm her down*

Meiko: “Is she in here?!” *in front of the castle* “Yes! We have confirmation earlier!” “Good!” *broke in w/ forces*

Rin:  *look at the cloth* wont they discover that you’re me? *look at you* *worried*

Meiko: Search every corner of this castle for the queen!”

crowd: “Yes Ma’am!” *the force dismissed*

Len: they won’t notice it because we’re twins. I never cursed my luck that we’re twins, thank you being born with me.

even if thousands, millions, billions, or even the world itself went against you, I will protect you.

Rin: *wears the cloth* *look ate you* is this okay? why are you so kind to me? …

Len: *hugs Rin* I swore to myself that I’ll protect your smile until the end. So, just sit there and laugh for me.

Rin: Len.. *hugs back* sorry for all I’ve done to you..

Meiko:  “Have you found her yet?!”

crowd: “Not yet Ma’am!”

Meiko: “Keep searching till you find her! We will not forgive her!”

Len: I never held anything against you, you have nothing to apologize about. *puts his hand on Rin’s cheek and pull it upwards so that she smiles* ..now go. *push Rin’s back lightly*

Rin: *walks towards the door* *looks back* Len.. wont you come with me?

Crowd: “Milady, we have confirmation regarding where she is!”

Meiko: “Really? GOOD! TAKE ME THERE!” “MA’AM!”

Len: *smiles *push Rin’s back while muttering a silent “Thank you..”

Rin: *runs through the door* *sobbing* Len.. arigatou

Meiko: *open the door by forces after Rin have left* “QUEEN! SURRENDER YOURSELF NOW! YOU ARE SURROUNDED!”

Len *Who’s pretending to be Rin* : (if.. her hand is stained by blood.. Then my hands is dyed with blood.)

don’t touch me with your filthy hand, you insolent woman! *glare with authority and pride

Meiko: “DO YOU NOT HEAR ME?! YOU ARE SURROUNDED!” *screamed to Len who’s pretending to be Rin inside that room*

Len: *raises his voice* Don’t shout to me like you’re one of my equal! Stand back! I can walk by myself. *glares*

Meiko: “You’re so much defiled than me to killed our precious Lady Miku! Soldiers, take her down!”

Crowd: “Yes Ma’am!”

Len: hmph, I already expected that you wouldn’t know how to treat a royalty. Did you not hear my words?

Don’t. Touch my hands. Escort me to the town hall. I won’t run away. *says with a steely voice*

Meiko: *sighs* Very well. I am not pleased to be near you, but I will escort you there. Let’s go, queen.

Len: do not flatter yourself thinking that I like to be near a commoner without a manners like you. *walks behind

*looks at the view on open corridor* (so this is the last time I’ll saw this scenery.) *steels his resolve

—The Next Day—

Meiko: “Folks! Hereby I present you, the damned queen who killed our precious Lady!”

*the crowds roar*

Meiko: “Folks! What do you want to do with this defiled demon?!”

Crowds: “EXECUTE HER!” “YEAH!” *the crowds roar again* “WE WILL GRANT YOUR WISHES!” “YEAH!!!” *the crowds roar again*

Meiko: “Any last sentence, defiled woman?!”

Rin: it’s 3 o’clock already?! *run towards the execution area* *covers her head* *whisper* Len.. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry..

Len: *looks at the crowd while the bell rings three times* *smirks* “Ah, it’s snack time.”

*remembers about the old time* ‘Remember, princess. No matter how grim the situation is, you have to look graceful.’

Rin: ‘But I don’t wanna!’

Len: *snickers*

Rin: ‘Len! Don’t laugh!’ *Rin glares*

Len: ‘Suuuure.’ *laughs

Meiko: *disturbs his flashback* “Well Queen? Had anything to say before your final execution?”

Crowds: “JUST KILL HER!” “YEAH!”

Rin: *listen to what the crowd & meiko said* noo!!! Please!! Nooo!!! Leenn!!!

Len: *the crowds grows silent as the bell rings heavily three times* “Ah, it’s snack time.” *smiles happily*

Meiko: “Alright, let’s begin the execution!”*she swings her hand down & the guillotine knife swings down*

Rin: nooo!!!! Leennn!!! Noooo!!! *shouting, but her voice is covered by the crowds’ shouts* *cry* noo!!! Leen!!! Leeen!!!!

Meiko: “Folks, hereby I declare you the death of the defiled queen!”

Crowds: *the crowds roar in joy* “SHE DESERVES IT!”


thus, Len, who’s pretending to be Rin, is killed. The people & Meiko remained unnoticed of that fact Rin is now living with regrets on the small house near the ocean with Haku. The yellow country kingship has been destroyed and its people joined the green country.


-The End-


please come back to me.. (Hitachiin’s fan fiction)


Note: nothing of this story happens in the real story. Ouran High School Host Club’s Fan fiction. Kaoru Hitachiin’s point of view. and sorry for the bad english XP

I don’t know what to do anymore, he’s gone now and will never come back to this room, our room. I never realized that this room is so big and quite without him.

Hikaru you are a liar! You said you will be always by my side but why you leave me alone in this huge room?! I believe you! Please come back!! I need you! I don’t like being alone like this! You know that, right? So please come back!

I know no matter what I do, he wont come back, but.. I need him now! My chest suddenly becomes tight, while pressing on my chest, my tears that I’ve hold up until now flow down from my eyes unstoppable.

I hate this feeling! Nothing I can do to makes me feel better!! Aah!!! I throw my pillow at a vase on the corner of my room causing it to fall and shatter apart. Maids are coming to see what happened and they are shocked when they know a vase that is a rare item in this world has been falling apart on the floor. They know that I did it but they keep pretending that everything is okay and sweep out every pieces of the vase silently.

After those maids finished their work, they go out from my room leaving me alone….. again. I hate this!!! Hikaru! Come back! Please!!!!! I hate you! You liar! I punch Hikaru’s pillow while crying like a baby. After a few minutes, I stop punching that pillow and hug it, pretending that is Hikaru. Keep crying out all my feelings.

Today is Hikaru’s funeral, my parents attend it but I don’t. I cant bear to see my twin brother buried down into the ground, my parents seem to understand my feeling so they didn’t force me to attend the funeral. They know I am the closest person to Hikaru, they know I am the one who hurt the most from the fact that Hikaru is no longer in this world. We are always together, we sleep in the same room, we eat together, we are a perfect pair of twins! we can understand each other even without telling it first to each other! Hikaru! without you, I’m nothing! i can’t do anything without you! please.. please come back! I need you!

If I can wish for anything, I just want to come back to yesterday. I hope I wont fight with him just because a small thing. I hope I will understand him more. I hope I don’t interfere with his effort to get Haruhi. I hope.. I hope.. I hope I hope he will come back to me!!!!

Why the hell I cant keep my mouth shut! If .. If I didn’t say anything about him and Haruhi, we wont fight yesterday and.. And… he won’t go to to Mori senpai’s home and that accident wont happen.

I know how much Hikaru loves Haruhi, since she is the only person who can differs us apart. But it’s hurt to see how hard Hikaru to get Haruhi’s attention while Haruhi herself doesn’t care about Hikaru’s feeling and she just realized that she is in love with Milord. I know that is not my problem and I should not interfere with Hikaru’s problem but.. Seeing him hurt makes me hurt too, I just want to make him stop forcing himself. Didn’t he realize it too that Haruhi and Milord love each other?

Today’s news is full of the accident that involved my twin brother in it. A drunk truck driver has been arrested because the truck he drove smashed a Benz that had a son of multi billionaire director and famous designer in it. Yes, Hikaru is in that car. Our driver is still in the hospital but he is safe, why Hikaru must die?! Why him?! And why the hell that drunk driver only get arrested for the rest of his life?! I want him to get death penalty! I will pay whatever amount those police ask! I don’t care about money! Just make that damn old man die! He killed Hikaru!!!

“Shit!” I cry while burying my face into the pillow that I’ve hugged for the past2 hours. Why it is so unfair?! Why from all people, must Hikaru?! Why?! I ask again and again about this unfairness. Hikaru is still young! He is good looking, healthy, fun, enthusiastic and talented! And he must died because of that drunk ugly old man?! It’s unfair!!!!!!

I know there is no use for me being like this, Hikaru wont come back and that damn old man wont get death penalty, but I cant stop myself from thinking like this. Hikaru’s death is my fault too.. I regret it so much, why we must had a fight yesterday?! I’m sorry Hikaru.. I’m sorry!!!! I cry while hugging Hikaru’s pillow tighter. I’m sorry..

— 10 days had passed–

I stop eating since then, I can’t care more about how many KGs I’ve lost for the past 10 days. It’s hard for me to move, I don’t have any energy left. my parents are very worried about my health, they stop their work and keep bringing doctors from both national and international hospitals. All those doctors keep inject my body with all those liquids that I don’t even know, leaving many scars on my skin but I don’t care anymore.

I don’t know how do I look now, I cant bring myself to see my own reflection, because I keep seeing Hikaru in that reflection. I’ve broke all mirrors in my room, I hate to see Hikaru in my reflection it keeps reminding me on how happy we were when we have each other back then, how naughty we were, how perfect our life when we have Host club and how stupid of me to say something I shouldn’t and made us fight.

Other host club members are coming everyday to check on my condition and ask me to eat even though it’s only a bite but I keep refusing their foods. I know they have a good intention, but.. None of them can makes me feel like I’m with Hikaru.. I want Hikaru and not the others.

I know acting like this makes people around me sad and I’m sorry for making them sad but.. I cant help it, my mouth can receive any food, my stomach can digest any food and I cant even feel hungry. Maybe this is how I can meet with Hikaru up there.. if Hikaru is not here anymore that means I also don’t have any reason to be here anymore.. I want to be with him.. if this is the way I can meet Hikaru, I don’t mind and God, please take my soul faster, I bet Hikaru is as lonely as I am up there.

9th June 1995 – 11th Nov 2012

Kaoru Hitachiin lies here

Finally I’ve died, huh? At least I wont trouble my parents anymore..

“Kaoru” that voice!! I know this voice so much! I miss this voice so much! Trembling, I turn back to see the figure who owns that voice. Ah! It’s not a mistake! I miss him!! I run towards him crying happily and finally I reach him! Finally we can be together! From now on, we can be together forever! No one can separate us! Hikaru!



Actually i don’t have anything to write here..

ok.. I have maanyyy things to write.. but.. I’m too lazy to type it..

why can’t i just say it and the keyboard types it by itself? 

like what they do in Harry Potter film ==’

tsk, I’m waiting for that technology to be invented, so that i can finish all my (unfinished) FF..(Sorry Fab! XP )


I’m too Lazy..


this is weird..

i always feel sleepy.. but.. somehow..

when i turn on my Lappy (Laptop)..



my sleepiness gone away ._.

i need sleep now!!!

as usual.. my post is..

weird ._.



can’t stop myself from posting this new RIGHT AFTER I READ IT!

what news?

1. Junno is currently dating someone (not sure though)

2. that “Someone” is an idol that has no job

3. that “Someone” is opening a new saloon in Tokyo

4. JE is so strict 

and the news which catch my attention the most is the no.4

“Johnny’s & Associates are reportedly keeping a tight watch with Komine’s activities, as long as she’s not making her relationship with Taguchi public, they won’t mind their relationship. Since Taguchi is an idol, one wrong move from Komine and it might cause an inconvenience to Taguchi’s own career.”

that’s what written on the article


okay.. for the complete version of the article, go to >> http://aramatheydidnt.livejournal.com/4195257.html



and this is out of Topic, but I love my new blog’s theme!! 

love the background also!



see ya~